Bluntness

I've also been told I have little tact, so if this offends you simply ride on.

Friday, May 31, 2019

Oh... My

Well, it's Friday and there is no rain forecast which means there should be no tornado warnings and no flood warnings.  We did get some substantial downpours yesterday afternoon, but nothing pressing enough for us at the store to 'head to higher ground.'
My, aren't things ramping up in the Trade Wars?  Now, the Idiot Jerk in the White House wants to pop a 5% tariff on all goods coming in from Mexico because he hates them Spanish speaking brown people.  That's going to hurt, but then he likes hurting people. 
I saw Kim Dumb Shit purged people who he blamed for his failed summit with the Idiot Jerk... and for him the easiest way to purge is to execute.  I don't know if he fed anybody to the dogs, but I'd say that's a possibility.
Oh, and apparently the racist reason for the citizenship question on the next census is seeping to the surface:  gerrymandering.  That's right. White Supremacist Republicans are looking for a way that will make gerrymandering voting districts easier, they want to insure every white vote gets counted.  They see no value in Spanish speaking voters.
And Sean Hannity tried to excoriate the media last night.  The Idiot Jerk in the White House has been having a really bad couple of days and Sean is pissed off!  Actually, I think all Republicans are pissed!  Of course, they're going to blame the media rather than the Idiot Jerk in the White House.  From Mueller's refusal to exonerate the Idiot Jerk, to the Navy having to move the USS John McCain, to Tweets admitting the Russkies helped him get elected (since been deleted), the amount of shit coming out of the Idiot Jerk has surged to a level akin to diarrhea from hell.  And American Voters are looking at this and saying..."Hell, this guy's a real shit bag."
Anyway, still no news from KDP on when the paperback version of The Body in the Tower will be ready for purchase.  They say it can take up to 72 hours.  Patience is a virtue.  And don't forget those reviews.  They actually create a cascading effect, more reviews lead to higher sales which, hopefully, lead to higher sales.
Finally, a palette cleanser.  I have a white rose bush and in between the storms yesterday I took couple of pictures.



Now, ain't that nice?  Their heady scent perfumes the air.

Thursday, May 30, 2019

The Body in the Tower

My timer was a bit off.  Actually, the electronic version was up yesterday, all I'm waiting on right now is for the paperback version to be ready.  Hopefully, that will be live and ready for purchase by later this afternoon or tomorrow morning.  If you purchase, please be good enough to leave a review, they do help advertise the book.  So, without further ado, I give you The Body in the Tower.


The thought of following the Tour de France, from the first stage to the last, seemed like a great idea.  What better way to spend a 30-day vacation in France?  But then an early morning phone call from Walker Beresford to her mother changed everything for Eli and Max.  A man had been shot at the Eiffel Tower and the Paris Police have taken Walker and her fianc√© into custody.  Complicating things, the police are worried Eli’s going to run off half-cocked and get himself killed, and a germaphobic computer genius shows up unexpectedly.  With only a week to go until the 100-man peloton reaches the streets of Paris, their investigation takes them from the lofty exhibit halls of the Louvre to the blackest depths of the catacombs, as they race to solve the mystery of The Body in the Tower.





Now you know what's inside the bullet holes.

Wednesday, May 29, 2019

The End is Nigh

Well, today's Wednesday.  We had lots of thunder and rain over night, no high winds and no torrential downpours, I can tell because all the rose blooms are still intact.
Today I have chores to do.  I didn't get much done yesterday.  This is usually the case when I work 5 or more days in a row.  I'm heading into another 6 day stretch, though I'd be willing to bet one of those will see me using a personal day.
Right now, both the front and back door are standing open letting in the wonderful sunlight.  I do like this time of year.  If winter were sunnier, I'd probably like it more.  Those days when we only get 10 hours of sunlight?  Not my favorite.  The cold doesn't bother, it's the lack of sunshine.
I saw Mitch McTurtle reversed his decision to consider a Supreme Court Justice in an election year.  Remember Merrick Garland and how it really wouldn't be fair?  Of course, most know Mitch is a lying sack of shit.  This change of mind is more than his just adopting a new opinion.  In a not too subtle way, Mitch is shooting off big, red Republican warning rockets: if they want another Conservative voice on the Supreme Court, it needs to be done before the election.  Without screaming it from the rooftops, this is his way of telling the base that 'the end is nigh!'


This just the tip of the iceberg for the Republicans.  The real stinky shit is going to happen once the Idiot Jerk is ejected from the Presidency.  At that point, they're going to have to deal with a vast majority of American people questioning the validity of his appointments to the judicial system, as well as the decisions made by his henchies in regard to the political landscape.  This has always been a terrible problem with Conservatives.  You see, they've always thought all they need to do is change the rules and everything will be ducky dandy, but then they've always been stupid that way.
Anyway, one of my chores for today is to pack up all of my notes for The Body in the Tower.  They are extensive: 3 fully printed manuscripts with detailed changes.  While I do a lot of editing on the computer, I also enjoy working off a manuscript.  From the first draft to the final copy, changes are extensive.  Whole pages get crossed out and rewritten.  Fine tuning is everything, which is why I have readers.  And now, of course, the process starts all over again.  In case anybody is wondering, this is a lot of fun for me.

Tuesday, May 28, 2019

Part II - Going to the dogs

Well, my friend Patty is back from the Med Center - her eye is bandaged.  She's fine.  They did something with some sort of implant in roof of her eye socket... which means they had to take out her eye...  I will spare you the details.
Prior to leaving to pick  her up, I had been in the process of making hot dogs (Nathan's skinless beef), and in my rush to get down to Hershey I left the buns on the counter.  Did I ever tell you big Seig is BIG?  After stop by Rite Aid first, and then dropping her off at her house, I returned to find about 1/2 of the plastic bag sitting on the futon.  The buns and the other 1/2 bag are no doubt in Seig and Lilly's bellies.  This means I'll be eating bareback hot dogs.
On the way home I also stopped off and picked up a bottle of wine to celebrate publication.  I got myself a nice Pouilly Fuisse.


For those who don't know, you can tell the difference between a bottle of this and a bottle of $7.99 stuff.  If you're interested, 2000 years ago, the wine they drank was much closer to the $7.99 stuff.
We're under a Tornado Watch until 10 PM this evening.  Yippee.

Part 1 - a trip to the hospital

Today's getting a 2 part entry since I have to leave shortly to take my friend Patty to Hershey.  She's having some sort of eye surgery.  This early traffic is not going to be too bad.  I hate going to the Hershey Hospital.  Parking requires valet service... that's right, if you want to park you have to let them park your car.  You see the parking lots there are quite large... and far away.  From your car to the front entrance might be a half a mile trek.  To me?  That's failure.  For those who don't know how big the medical center is, here's a map:


Oh, and it's getting bigger.  Construction is always underway.  I think it's the shits.

Monday, May 27, 2019

More roses

Well, here it is, a non-holiday... for me at least.  Many have a 3 day weekend in the US... I don't.  My weekend begins tomorrow, and it isn't a holiday weekend, I only get 2 days off.  Oh, and then I get to work for another 6 days in a row... it's retail.
Here are a couple pics of the roses in front of the house.  One of my jobs tomorrow is to get rid of all the leaves with 'black spot' and spray them with Neem Oil.  I also need to get the weed wacker out... and possibly the chain saw.  Me and power tools?  Wonderful.


The yellow rose is a climber... with nothing to climb, so it spreads out and requires constant clipping.


 And I don't know where the red bush came from.  It just showed up around 4 years ago.  It has what are called antique or vintage blooms.
One of these days the Dahlias will start to bloom... that's right, I also have Dahlias.
And, of course, I've added something interesting to my layout




Sunday, May 26, 2019

The Armature


I am way past my Hump Day in this 6 day stretch - only 2 more to go before I have my weekend!... and then it's on to another 6 day stretch.  Business in the flooring department is not exactly cracking.I suspect corporate is probably sitting in their offices holding their breaths since much of what we sell is made in China.  Oh, sure, we may carry a number of products that say "made in America," but that's a bit inaccurate.  People don't seem to understand that 'made' means 'assembled.'  So, yeah, the product is 'made in America' with parts made in China.
And it looks like, at least according to the news media, Boris Johnson will take over for Theresa May in that political death spiral called Brexit.  His was one of the loudest voices arguing for this divorce from the EU.  The people of the UK need to prepare themselves.  Once again his pumped up buffoonery is going to take the main stage.  He is going to get brutally stupid, a normal process in minor minds like his.
And, as publication day approaches, I thought I'd write a little about the creative process for the next book.  Initially, while I found the idea of using the Tour de France as a framework for a mystery novel intriguing, I realized the difficulty in juxtaposing the the building suspense of the race with the mystery of a murder.  There needed to be a balance between the two.  The first draft had way too much of the race.  I was told that "if you're an avid cycling fan it's great, however if you're an average person it's..."  well, the word used was 'boring.'  People became more important, more personal as the race became secondary, a constant prodding finger reminding you how quickly time was moving.
Anyway, I thought I'd post a clip from last year's Tour to give you a visual armature.

Allez!  Allez!


Saturday, May 25, 2019

Full Frontal

For those interested, I hit my hump moment last night sometime, I'm in a 6 day stretch.
Today, as part of our Memorial Day celebration at work, is ice cream day.  Sandwiches.  I have to admit I do like ice cream sandwiches, even though they don't use real ice cream... not in the sandwiches they provide.  It's some sort of frozen milk substitute with a good portion being hydrogenated oil.  I may have to get my ice cream maker out and make some of the real stuff!  The kind with the killer cholesterol we thought so wonderful when we were kids.  It doesn't take long, though it does use a lot of egg yolks.
And now, for a brief interlude, one of my two-tones:


So, the Idiot Jerk went around Congress to close an $8 billion arms sale with the Saudis (and someone else).  He did this because he desperately wants to prove to the Saudi king that he has just as much power.  This is the same reason he likes meeting with dictators.  His shitty ego needs to prove to itself he's on the same playing field.  Both parties are upset by his sidestepping their authority.  His MAGA heads are too stupid to know what he's doing.  In their tiny minds, he should have complete power.  They do no understand how horrific that would be, but as I've said earlier, they're stupid.
Anyway, we've got less than 2 years to go until he's voted out of office.
Since this is such a distasteful idea, I'll give you another little palette cleanser.  I call this one  Full Frontal.


Friday, May 24, 2019

Pink Peonies... and other stuff

Well, I'm starting this a bit late this AM, I had the alarm set for 0430 but the dogs decided they needed to go 'potty outside' at around 0300, so I turned off the alarm and got up around 0530.  I'm thinking I may have to rethink my schedule again.
Yesterday we had storm warnings all day, and only one thunderstorm went through around mid-afternoon.  I was worried we'd have constant storms all night.
The pink peonies are in bloom.


And, of course, the wall of roses in my front yard is prepping for their first display of the season.

This is the top of one of 3 bushes
And, on the political scene - things are not just too peachy for the Idiot Jerk.  He's shrieking, and moaning, and Tweeting.  North Korea's blaming the administration for the failed summit.  The Pentagon is asking to send 5000 - 10,000 troops to the mid-east.  We just gave another $16 billion to America's farmers - tariffs, you know.  Oh, and he just signed an Executive Order instructing "all" intelligence agencies to give his henchie, Billy Barr, all info, classified and non-classified, on Russian interference in the 2016 election.  And all that happened in about 20 minutes, yesterday.  
For those who didn't know, Merrick Garland is the judge of the hour... the week... the month... and the year.  The Idiot Jerk's taxes... you know?  This is what you call Karma, or, if you're religious, Justice.  I'm sure that when Mitchy McTurtle heard this knews he turned his head slightly to the side and mutter and quiet "Oh, shit."
Finally... Theresa May is resigning.  Is this the end of Brexit?  Nope.  It just means the divorce is just going to get messier.  And all those bobble-headed voters who thought this was going to be an easy process are rethinking their votes.  Maybe I should try sending them all a picture of my pink peonies... that might brighten their day.

Thursday, May 23, 2019

Blame!

They're calling for thunderstorms this afternoon; the same system which sent a tornado to smash through the the crazy Red state of Missouri, and Jefferson City, the capital, took a direct hit.  I don't know about you, but that sounds like an Act of God to me, of course you do know the crazy Christians in that state will blame the Gays.  Isn't that how it always is?
There's a lot of that going around these days, you know?  Blame?  Most of it seems to be coming from the far Right, blaming Democrats for their integrity.
I know the Idiot Jerk in the White House blames the Democrats for his low approval rating.  He said so yesterday.  I believe his comment was something like "My approval rating would be 65% if it weren't for those fucking Democrats and their fucking investigations," (though I don't think he said 'fucking' aloud).  But then this sack of shit has always blamed people... oh, wait, how could I forget that blame is always the standard Republican response.  I understand you can always tell a Conservative at birth by his pointing finger.

Baby Republican
And, as most of you know, music plays a big part in writing.  In The Body on the Lawn it was Fallout Boy.  In writing The Body in the Tower, I listened to a lot of Fallout Boy and Imagine Dragons for the mood and tempo.  For the next one, I'm changing things up a bit.  What I'm listening to is the new M Pokora album Pryamide.  One can only guess how this is going to effect a murder mystery set in the ghost towns of the Colorado Rockies.




Wednesday, May 22, 2019

John Wick this

Golly Gee!  Today I begin a 6 day stint at work.  Can you see the level of my lack of excitability?  Six days.  Shit.  Then I have 2 days off before I get to work another 6 days in a row.  This is really bad retail scheduling.  Sometime in that 2nd stretch I may have to take a personal day to break things up.
I went to see John Wick 3 last evening.  The movie made a lot of money this past weekend.  For those who don't know, the John Wick series of films is an over the top, uber violent on a comic book level, about a paid assassin who left the business... kind of, until someone kills his dog (movie one).  The amount of violence is laughable, seriously, you find yourself laughing.  This is not high drama... shit, this doesn't even qualify as low drama, but it is entertaining for the most part.  Towards the end the fight scenes did tend to drag out, so on the next installment I'd recommend they practice smarter editing.  For those interested, Keanu Reeves is... well, the same as he's always been.  He is not known for his acting abilities.  His career has survived for so long (like 40 years) because of his ability to choose parts which do no rely on his dramatic skills.   Any sentence more than 8 or 9 words is a stretch, which is fine since dialogue is always where he fails.  I'm sure he prefers his scripts to be about 12 pages long: (fight in library), (fight on balcony), (fight in stairwell) "Oh, shit," (fight in elevator), (fight in alleyway).
Yesterday was election day in PA, all local.  In my precinct we use computerized ballots, however I was told this was the last election for them, that next year we're going to get new voting machines.  I'm sure the Russkies are already working on ways to screw up the 2020 election, so we'll have to see if they can be hacked.
And I saw where some American fighter pilots chased away some evil, Russkie fighter pilots up near Alaska.  Believe me when I tell you this is all part of the Idiot Jerk's blow bro Vlad's plan to disrupt America.
And finally, a few more of my garden pictures.  As I said, the roses are starting to paint things bright with color.



Now, ain't that nice?  Last year the rains of May pretty much washed them all out before I could take pictures.

Tuesday, May 21, 2019

Charged

I ordered some new slippers - they arrive today.  Depending upon the temperature, I'm either barefooted, in socks, or wearing slippers when I'm at home.  I like to keep my tootsies warm when it's cool outside.
My phone is beginning to piss me off.  It's an S8, only 3 years old, and it rarely 'fast charges' anymore, and 'slow charging' has become very, very slow.  Mostly I use my phone for texting, checking my emails, checking news feeds, and, of course, phone calls.  I want to be able to plug it in at night and have it fully charged the next morning.  That's not happening on a regular basis, and I'll be honest, I do send a lot of texts and read a lot of news.  I normally hold onto a phone for at least 4 years and it's irritating that I might have to "update" early.  I can also tell you, I am not alone.  We have a charging station in our lunch room at work and there are always phones being charged.  What I'm looking at is a Google Pixel... less expensive and does everything I need it to do.  But then again, I might just hold onto the S8 for another year or so and deal with the hassle of charging.
The Mumbai Hookers Union posted another comment on my blog....  I guess they'll try and peddle their whores anywhere.
Today's election day here in PA!  I'm going to go vote!  We need to take our government back from the Crazies on the Right.  Normal needs to become the law of the land.
And I saw a Federal Judge handed the Idiot Jerk a defeat in regard to his taxes.  Oh, shit, looks like that's going to move on to the Supreme Court where his boys Brett and Neil will... oh, wait, the Idiot Jerk will long be out of the presidency by the time that happens.
After today, I am scheduled to work for 6 days straight.  Then, I get to have 2 days off before working another 6 days in a row.  Memorial Day, you know?  We have about 2 weeks in which our aisles turn in a 'deal-a-thon' shit show.  Customers will buy this crap and in 3 weeks, when it breaks, they will realize it's nothing but crap and return it.  You would think that by now people might realize that those who actually manufacture these 'deals' are in the business to make money, not give you value for you $$$.  Of course, they don't.  Nope.  They get all charged up to run out and spend their hard earned $$$ on 'special deals' that are anything but special.

Monday, May 20, 2019

Armed and....

Well, it's Monday and I'm starting another weekend... retail, you know?  Our weeks swing different then yours.  And, of course, I slept in 0530.  Sleeping was odd last night.  Stormy weather hit the area, booming thunder and fireworks lightening spent about 3 hours time dazzling the area from about 10 PM on, though that didn't really bother me.  And the dogs sleep through storms.  What bothered me was my arm.  Arm, you ask?  Yes, my arm.  The right one to be precise.  You see, I decided that since I was going to have 2 days off, I might as well stop in at Giant and pick up some ice cream, maybe Cherry Garcia.  The wind was gusting badly across the parking lot as I walked towards the building, and just as I was about to step under their portico a stop sign they had anchored in a concrete base blew over... and hit me in the arm.  I'd like to see a video of the incident since I don't understand how it only hit my arm... which was at my side.  The customer walking up behind me said "Holy Fuck!"  As I turned, the sign was laying flat on the pavement and only my arm was injured.


It doesn't really hurt, but I will admit my sleeping was off.  I kept waking up, which means I'll probably nap today.
And Mayor Pete was on a Fox News Town Hall last evening.  The Idiot Jerk was not amused.  He shit out some angry Tweets.  On his part, Mayor Pete brought up not only the Moral Degeneracy of the Idiot Jerk, but also that of phony Christian, bottled blond Laura Ingraham as well as that White Supremacist Tucker Carlson.  As for the angry Tweets, people need to learn that if you squeeze the Idiot Jerks zit brain hard enough, it's going to pop.
And finally, a brief interlude from Joni Mitchell.  The song is about David Geffen, a very busy man, whom she saw quietly relaxing at a cafe on the Champs Elysees in 1973.  And, even though this is an interlude, it's also a bit of a prelude.




Sunday, May 19, 2019

Special

Okay, so here it is Sunday morning and I've got a load of white wash in the washer.  Biggie is standing beside me pesting to have his head scratched.  In a few seconds, he will lay down and guard the door to the computer room from that evil Lily.
There's a lot of concern that John Bolton, one of the Idiot Jerk's favorite henchies, is spoiling for a war with Iran.  If one comes, it will be interesting to see how the Evangelicals handle it.  I mean, they're the ones who keep telling themselves he was sent by God to give them what they want, and if that's the case such a war would be a Holy issue.  I'm wondering how many of those phony devotees of Evangelicalism will send their children off to fight.  My money's saying those volunteers are going to be few and far between because in their little, black hearts they are gutless. They don't want to go and possibly get themselves killed for their beliefs.  No way.  They're going to leave that job to someone else, someone who's not as special, which is why they are so much worse than a cowardly embarrassment.
So, I'm probably going to go see John Wick 3 on either Monday or Tuesday.  It's getting good reviews.  Now hows that for a stunner.  This is a movie filled with over the top, comic book violence.  Still, I have to admit, it's far more believable than one of Tony Perkins' spawn volunteering to go to war for this country.  That will never happen because they're just too.... special.
Oh, my the evil Lily has entered the room... and Biggie's laying snoring on the floor.
I have turned on my ceiling fans.  They will run for the rest of the spring and summer season.  Eventually, when the daily temps hover in the upper 80's I'll turn on the Central Air, too.  In the winter I like to be warm, and in the summer I like to be cool. 
I thought I'd end today's entry with a shot of one of my peonies.  One of the things I'm planning on doing tomorrow (my day off) is to tie up the bush out front.  The blooms get very top-heavy and I don't want them laying on the sidewalk.


Dazzling, eh?

Saturday, May 18, 2019

Impatience

Holy crap!  I was mistaken!  Instead of having to work 4 days before my next days off, I only work 3!  Today's my hump day!  Now, that's a nice surprise.  It isn't that I don't like working, honestly, I don't really mind going to the store.  There is, however, that desire to do other more constructive things hours with that 40 hours per week, like spend time putzing around my yard.  Growing things is fun and prettiness is the reward.  Here's a shot of this year's first rose.


The individual doing the edit on The Body in the Tower is working ever so slowly.  I'm be honest.  My patience is beginning to wear thin.  If I'd known dawdling was going to be involved I'd have never offered the job.  When I start a project, I finish a project.  Chop Chop!  Pardon my French, but I don't 'dick' around (and that's not really French, but I thought I should give a warning for my more sensitive readers).
Evidently China is not going to back down when it comes to tariffs, and that means we most likely have a problem.  It's not so much that their going to teach the Idiot Jerk a lessons, he's unteachable, so instead they will teach America a lesson:  There's a price for electing a dumb shit.
Oh, and I guess Theresa May's on her way out.
Here's a shot of one of my red peonies.


It will be completely open sometime later today.
I want to pick up some hostas tomorrow before leaving work to plant in between the tulips along side the house.  I want something to get big and green which doesn't require a lot of care.
And my impatience may get the better of me.  I may do another quick read through and publish.  Believe it or not, it's been 9 months and I'm ready to give birth.  I really am itching to get started with The Body in the Well...  shit!  that was supposed to be a secret!

Friday, May 17, 2019

Sans pictures... almost

Well, I go back to work today.... note the enthusiasm in my font.
I also got up early with the intention of getting in some cardio....  my legs have the same enthusiasm as my font.  This is how it goes some days.  
My neighbor asked if I was off the entire week.  "Nope," I explained, "just a weird schedule."  Now I get to work 4 days and then have off for 2 and work 6.
I will be off next Tuesday, which is primary day in Pennsylvania.  Democrats will vote for Democrats and Republicans will vote for Moral Degenerates.  What makes this interesting is that this year, as in every past primary election, I get bombarded with flyers for the other party.  One candidate brags that she's the "wife to Anthony; mother to John and Leo."  She considers this pertinent information.  Another candidate brags that she's a "33 year veteran."  Does that mean she was in the military 33 years ago, or that she's been serving the country in the military for 33 years?  She also has 3 amazing children!  Isn't that nice?  I've received 2 mailers from her so far...  Oh, and she wants to be a judge.
As for the Democrats, I got one letter endorsing one candidate from the Democratic committee.  I suspect this is because Democrats tend to spend more time educating themselves on their candidates.  For them, issues are far more important than having "3 amazing children."    Educate yourselves.  Know your candidates.  Do not rely on mailers filled with vague information and family pictures.
And, speaking of pictures, I took a whole bunch yesterday with the intention of posting more today.  So, you ask, why am I doing an entry sans pictures?  Well, they're still in the camera.  You see Nikon decided this camera was going to use either WiFi or Bluetoom to transfer pictures.  There is an HDMI port, but no cable was provided.  Unfortunately connectivity has always been a problem.  Yesterday I started getting the message "camera is out of range."  This means the camera is not transmitting anything.  So this morning I ordered an HDMI cable, something which should have been included at the time of purchase.
Since I did want to include at least picture and since not from the camera were available, I thought I show off Lug the Nut.  I'm going to try and take him out this evening when I get home from work.


If you scrub off their makeup, most Republicans will look like Lug.

Thursday, May 16, 2019

All about my Peonies

Okay, so it's Thursday and I slept in.  I stayed up late watching TV.  I was looking through Amazon movie listings and saw "Fiddler on the Roof."  I hadn't seen it in about... oh... forty some odd years and remembered the songs.  There are some really good dance numbers.  So, I paid my little rental fee and sat back preparing to enjoy a little trip down memory lane.  While the songs and dances (done my some very talented male dancers) were everything I expected, I was surprised by the humor, and not in a good way.  I was quite disappointed by all of the bad Jewish stereotypes.  Times have changed.  It's kind of odd to think someone thought a musical-comedy about the breakdown of tradition, anti-Semitic racism, and forced immigration was a good idea.  If someone decided to do a Spanish update using Guatemalans rather than Russian Jews, do you think it would get off the ground?
And Alabama passed the most restrictive anti-abortion legislation in history.  Their old, fat, white female governor signed it into law.  They're hoping it will go to the Supreme Court.  Dumb shits.  It will never get that far because it is so blatantly unconstitutional.  Dumb shits.
Finally, let's get to the meat of today's blog.  My peonies.  Now, I'm sure there are some of you out there who think I just need to fix my spelling.  Well, you're wrong.  You see, I have some of the largest peonies around.  In size, no one can even come close.  On one bush alone I have over 60 buds.


And that's just on one bush... I have several... bushes, that is.  What is nice is that they don't require any special care.... no special handling.  And the blooms are big, easily the size of a dinner plate.  Every year I post pictures.  You see I'm really quite proud and like to boast about the size of my peonies.

Wednesday, May 15, 2019

Dash of Color

Wednesday means weekend... at least for me... at least for this week.  I'm off today and tomorrow and the weather is supposed to be very nice with temps in the mid 70's.  Oh, and the sun is supposed to shine as well.  I suspect the dogs and I will be sleeping well tonight.
While I had originally thought "The Body in the Tower" would be out in mid-July... well, it looks like I was wrong.  Things appear to be coming together faster than I had originally anticipated.  This is fine with me.  There is just one reader with an outstanding copy.  I've personally read the entire work through 4 times... that's a lot of reading, and am approaching the point where I start to skim.  I've already passed what I call the 'decorative stage,' when color gets added, where the lap pool gets some shimmering blue tile with goldfish accents.
And, speaking of color, more than a dash is beginning to explode across my yard.


And things are getting a bit rocky in the mid-east.  That's to be expected.  We have an ultra-conservative Idiot Jerk in the White House who has ultra-conservatives into positions of power.  The problem is that ultra-conservatives have a very, very sensitive gag reflex when it comes to negotiation and compromise.  Their selfish nature always makes them vomit at the mere suggestion they might want to talk... and maybe give a concession.  Their most favorite word in any language is "my.'  Their 2nd most favorite word is "no."  They never weigh the pros and cons in the decision making process.  They, and the Idiot Jerk  in the White House, have one striking commonality:  they never think things through.  They see things in either black or white... and in their tiny, little minds they are always white right.  The fleeting thought of a dash of color simply terrifies them.

Tuesday, May 14, 2019

Daily Jollies

Well, it's Tuesday... sort of the meat in my double weekend off sandwich... can I have a little mayo on the side, please?  On my first 2 days off, we had rain... steady, soaking rains.  You can almost watch my grass grow.  Tomorrow I will need to mow.  Because the weeds are high too, I will need to wack.  There's also weeding which needs to done among the Dahlias.  And boy, do I have peonies.
I'm kind of excited because when I get home from work today, my copy of Rage 2 will be waiting for me.  A first person shooter from ID studios, it looks like a lot of brainless fun.  Sometimes you need that, you know?


So, sometime this evening I'll be playing this on my PS4 Pro.
There was a little bit of a problem with the stock market yesterday... it dropped.  Certain things that I read and heard made me guffaw out loud.  One of my biggest belly laughs came when I saw the Idiot Jerk in the White House threatened China with this verbiage salad.  "It will be worse if you have to negotiate in my 2nd term."  In his next breath he announced $15 billion in what I suspect will be low interest loans to America's farmers.  He must have gotten this idea from that economic cesspool Larry Kudlow.  Remember when the government shut down and Larry recommended low interest loans to help unpaid employees survive?  At least I think it was Larry.  The truth is the Idiot Jerk has surrounded himself with so many unqualified sycophants blurting out inanities, it's difficult to tell one from the other.  Holy Shit!  His 2nd term?  That's not a threat, that's a dare, and a stupid one at that.  I'm sure a lot of MAGA heads got their daily jollies from that one.



Monday, May 13, 2019

Tolkien

Well, the weather's supposed to be crappy today... and I'm off.  I am planning to try and get some lawn work in:  I have spearmint and cilantro which need planting, and there's weeding... oh, my gosh is there weeding... and mowing.  Everything is so green.  When you have to mow your lawn more than twice in one week you're getting too much rain.
I went with friends to see "Tokien" last evening.  We all thought it was very good.  If you're hoping for a linear biography you will be disappointed.  Scenes of his childhood are juxtaposed against harrowing, almost hallucinatory scenes in the trenches of World War I, where dead bodies are left lying where they fell and disease was rampant.  There are those who wish the film had microscopically examined the author's early life and school years, however they fail to understand how much the war traumatized him.  Fantasy allowed him to escape those memories and deal with life after the Great War... the War to end all Wars.


As for the Idiot Jerk and his minions... I guess Larry Kudlow actually went on television and contradicted his boss by saying that yes, the American people were going to pay the prices for the tariffs against China.  And, it seems, China has pretty much decided to give the Idiot Jerk the finger.  Oh, well, this is to be expected from a financial moron who's early tax returns clamor loudly about his losses.  I'm betting when we finally discover his true net worth it's going to be shockingly low.

Sunday, May 12, 2019

From Mother's Day to Notre Dame

It's Sunday.  It's Mother's Day, a holiday initiated by Hallmark Cards to sell... cards.  Now every retailer in America wants you to buy something for Mom.  Oh, and it's not just big box retailers.  Anybody who has any item or product available for you to purchase, wants you to buy one for Mom.  You can buy your Mom a special phone, or tablet, or bicycle, or Kitchen Aide appliance.  I have to admit, however, this year we didn't get in truckloads of flowers.  Our main display was Toro lawn mowers, something Mom isn't too keen on getting.  Our big sales event is going to be Memorial Day and that makes Mother's Day small potatoes.  This doesn't mean we're going to ignore this faux holiday, rather we seem to be giving it the unimportant attention it deserves.
Evidently there's going to be an architectural contest for designing the new roof of Notre Dame.  It hasn't been announced yet, but designs are already being submitted across the Internet.  I guess about 55% of those surveyed feel it should be rebuilt to its original form, however the French do not have a very good reputation for detailed restorations.  Rather, they have been groundbreaking when it comes to innovative architecture, the glass pyramid entrance to the Louvre being just one example.  People hated it when it was revealed... and now it's iconic.  While many feel the new roof should represent the religious aspects of Notre Dame, I'm fairly positive the secular, culture importance will win out; like it or not, the building is evolving.  Turning the rooftop into a more public space, a park perhaps, seems much more appropriate then the edification of an old style.  The cathedral is turning into a monument for the ages.


What ever design is eventually chosen, you can bet the French will hate it... at first.

Saturday, May 11, 2019

From Jack Fruit to Omens

Starting tomorrow I'm scheduled to have some time off and the weather forecast is shitty.  Cool, mid-50's (F), cloudy, in fact Sunday and Monday they're calling for... rain.  Grass grows even in shitty weather.  This is the third year in a row in which April showers arrived a month late, that's called a trend.
Yesterday was Fruit Friday at work.  On the 2nd Friday of every month they bring in fresh fruit for the associates, the standard strawberries, plums, apples, bananas, pears, and blueberries.  They always include one exotic to give us a fresh taste from the world outside the United States.  Yesterday we had Jack Fruit.  It was delicious. 


For those who don't know, exotics fruits are a very good way to identify closet conservatives, those people who quietly wear their MAGA hats in the privacy of their own homes.  You see conservatives will never try anything new.  They will always opt for the apple or the strawberry.  Now and then a slice of banana may cross their lips, but only after being camouflaged in a bowl of cereal.
Okay, and for your haha moment of the day, though I'm sure most of you have already seen this, the Idiot Jerk's blow bro pal Vlad did a nose dive.



And he did it in front of the world!  I'm positive this elicited a high volume shriek from the Idiot Jerk.  "Oh, Vlad! Noooo!"  As for me, I'm wondering if Vlad truly understands what happened.  He didn't just trip over a red carpet.  Nope, he was sent an Omen.  He is going to go down, and the whole world is going to be watching.  For those who don't know, this is called Karma.  The Idiot Jerk's Karma hell will continue for the rest of his life.  He doesn't understand, but his spawn will pay for generations to come.

Friday, May 10, 2019

Dumb as a Brick

Friday! and my work week is one half over!  Sales have been low this week.  The weather's been shitty, drizzly, and rainy.  The same thing is on tap for today. 
As I was eating my oatmeal this morning, I watched two bunnies chase each other around the yard, out into the street and then back into the yard.  It was fairly obvious they were playing the copulation game, you know?  Tag... you're pregnant.  This means one will dig a hole and have babies.  Bunny holes are always hell in the yard.  They're always outside the fence because... well... big dogs don't know the difference between a bunny and a toy.
Evidently North Korea launched a more missiles yesterday - missiles that can actually hit the United States.  One of the articles I read said something to the effect that "the Idiot Jerk's diplomacy was wilting...."  That's right, wilting.  Holy Shit...   What diplomacy?  The only reason that first summit was held was to fluff up his ego.  Only a fool would call it diplomacy, all he did was lie to a brutal dictator.  Now that Kim Frump Dump knows he was used as ego food, he's pissed.  Oh, and our Navy commandeered one of his black market ships, or what ever he calls them.  I'd say things are beginning to look a bit bleak on that peninsula.
And, of course, the tariff war with China just hit a 25% increase snag... Ooops.  I'll bet that's going to lighten your 401k.  I would not be surprised if the Idiot Jerk believes that all he needs to do is have the United States declare bankruptcy and all debts will disappear.  I mean that is the way he's run his own business, just file for bankruptcy and clear that red ink off the books.
I was stunned to read that the Idiot Jerk was surprised Donnie Jr got a subpoena.  Pardon my French, but this guy is dumb as a fucking brick... oh, wait, that isn't French, it's just the truth.  Of course, he doesn't realize this, he's a conservative.  Their mantra has always been "Shut up!  I'm in charge!  I can do what I want!"  If we let them, their incompetence will destroy the country.  Vote Blue.  Vote them out of existence.



Thursday, May 9, 2019

In Colorado

I am almost halfway through my work week and am anticipating punching out on Saturday.  Sometime this evening I will again smash through my hump moment.  Yippee!
For those interested, I have started collating my notes for the next project.  As in most written works, the first sentence is very, very important.  The first sentence sets the tone by opening the door through which the reader walks.  With that being said, here is the first sentence of the next project:

"And there were gunslingers camped out on the ridge above the Uncompahgre."

The Uncompahgre River in Colorado

So, the Idiot Jerk in the White House is trying to save his fat ass from frying by using his 'executive privilege' to keep anybody from know just what was in the Mueller Report.  The House is handing Billy Barr a dinner menu  with contempt charges as the appetizer.  New York State is passing legislation to release the Idiot Jerk's state taxes.  North Korea stuck a finger in his eye by shooting off another missile (oops).  Stevie Mnuchin's being blamed for the turd he dropped in the trade negotiations with China.  The past few days have been bad for the Idiot Jerk.  This was to be expected.  Oh, and things are going to get worse.  Donnie Jr has been subpoenaed to testify before the Senate.  Now you know the Senate Republicans are going to be throwing him candy fart kisses, but the Democrats?  Donnie Jr likes to think of himself as a 'big game' hunter.  Well those Democrats know Donnie Jr has a big red target painted all over his ass.  He's not used to being grilled so the whole thing should be quite... entertaining.  He's also not very good when it comes to lying because he's dumber than his old man.
I have some customers at work who may become an issue.  They want to put new laminate in their 4th bedroom.  They claim we already put the same laminate in the other t 3 bedrooms.  I looked at their plans yesterday and we only put flooring in 2 bedrooms.  Shit.

Wednesday, May 8, 2019

Shelve this

Oh, my... I smashed through my single day off as though it were nothing... maybe it was.  Now I'm on my second stint of 4 days in a row.  I really hate having single days off, I like them to be back to back.  When I have just one day off I tend to eat more and do less physical activity. I also, for some odd reason, tend to take two or three short catnaps.  I don't do this when I have a weekend, even if my weekends are Wednesday and Thursday.
I saw that in the 10 years of tax returns that have been made public for the Idiot Jerk all he did was lose money.  Speculation is that this is why he's so hostile about releasing more recent returns, and why he's no doubt constantly getting audited.  Even though he claims to be as wealthy as Croesus, he is always losing money... at least on his tax returns.  Back at the beginning of his campaign, I remember reading that just one of his 'bankruptcies,' if claimed the right way would have kept him from paying any income tax of 20 years.  The Idiot Jerk has had what?  Four bankruptcies?   At least that what he claims.  Shit, if he stacked those babies together and claimed them as loses, the Federal Government might actually be giving him a refund.  Holy Shit!  This moron is either the most incompetent business man in history... or one of the most corrupt.
For those who are interested, not only do I have peaches... I have nectarines, too.  If I had space I'd put in an apricot tree as well.
And yesterday I did put in a shelf below the TV for the gaming consoles.


I did this to remove some of the clutter in my living.  There was a small, overloaded table to the left of the chest.  That's now gone... well, it's actually outside on the veranda between two chairs. 

Tuesday, May 7, 2019

Peachy

It's Tuesday... and I'm off work!  Happy Dance!  Happy Dance!
As usual, I have lots of things planned.  I want to hang a shelf beneath the big screen TV to hold my PS4 and my Xbox One.  This will eliminate a small table in my living room.   Space... it's all about space.  I don't like clutter.  I don't want to be completely surrounded by furniture.
I thought it was interesting how the Idiot Jerk's administration pushed back after Pelosi said that if he lost by a small margin, he would try and stay.  She's right, of course.  The only way he and his spawn can avoid jail time is to stay in power.  Personally, I believe he'll lose by a rather large margin.  A much more likely scenario will be his being helicoptered from the White House to a nearby airfield where a waiting plane will whisk him off to...  Moscow, maybe?  I don't know.  Where do ex-tyrant wannabes go?
Why do I think he's going to run away?  Because of this:  when you have this many Federal Prosecutors saying if he weren't president he would have been indicted, it's bad.  He is going to everything possible to save his orange ass from going to jail.  That cute one hour conversation he had with his blow bro Vlad?  I'm sure his buddy said "don't worry, we have your back in 2020."  This is going to get ugly.  His base will rally...  What they don't realize is that those cute little, red MAGA hats they wear are not going to keep them safe from a good wack upside their heads.  When the smacking starts to happen they're going to stomp their feet and scream terrible words!  Let's be honest here, without his Twitter account the Idiot Jerk in the White House is nothing more than a spineless sack of shit.
Finally, pictures!  No, not of the royal British / American baby boy.  Something better!  My peach!


And the really great news is that I have more than one!  Now, ain't that peachy!





Monday, May 6, 2019

Business

Okay, so it's Monday.  I'm off tomorrow.  I can not wait.
Yesterday... it rained... all... day.  This creates a problem.  Big Seig does not like to get wet.  He'll go outside and do his business in a light, sprinkling shower but not in a steady rain.  He's a big dog, remember, and big dogs do big business.  And so he holds it until, like a small child racing to the potty, he's forced to make a made dash to the river birch in the back yard.  Sometimes there are accidents.  They are not pretty.  Yesterday, luckily, we had a 5 minute break in the rain around 6:20 PM.  There are many ways to spell relief, Big Seig can probably tell you all of them.
I saw where the Idiot Jerk in the White House Tweet some sort of nonsense about raising the tariffs on China again.  In case you didn't know, this is how he demonstrates his business acumen to his base.  Okay, so was anybody surprised?  You shouldn't have been.  This is his standard operating procedure, just a slight variation he pulls on the contractors who build his properties.  "I'm not satisfied with your work so I'm not going to pay you what was in the contract."  Here he's telling the Chinese "you weren't fast enough, so I'm not giving you what you want."  The problem is he's not dealing with a contractor here.  His bankruptcies prove he makes a lot of mistakes, others always pay the cost.  He doesn't care.  His only concern is for his own, personal business.  Now, ain't that the shits?
One of the first things I saw this morning was that we're also sending a carrier group to the Middle East.  That's another bit of business aimed at the Conservative base, most of whom are in their mid-40's and older, and who constantly remind themselves how wonderfully religious they are in their beliefs.  In their tiny little minds our superior military will stomp out evil Iran.  How quickly they've forgotten W's "Awe and..." whatever they called that war, and how it dragged on... and on... and on.  But their only business is to be good Conservatives, they don't like to use their brains; it hurts too much, and then they realize they need to wipe their shitty asses.  Like the Idiot Jerk, they believe themselves to be smart... however history proves them to be anything but smart.
On a brighter note... I have peaches!!!

Sunday, May 5, 2019

Cinco de Mayo

Did you miss it?  My hump moment? I think it was around 8:22 PM last evening if my calculations are correct.
It's supposed to be shitty and rainy today.  This is May.  In Central PA, for the past 2 years the month of May has been rainy.  April's were nice.  Mays were wet.  Weather patterns may be changing due to global warming (yeah, that's what global warming does).  Ain't life great!
North Korea shot off some rockets, one of them happened to be an unarmed  ballistic missile. Oops.
Kim Dumb Shit is sending the Idiot Jerk in the White House a message.  People are starting to get nervous.  They should.  He's been a dictator for a while, and you can bet he's going to try and dictate the terms he wants, one of which is the elimination of Pompeo from their Friends list.
And the Idiot Jerk is spewing an angry shit stream because Facebook shut the accounts of a number of far-right hate individuals and groups.  He loves him his hate!  If you take out the haters who support the Idiot Jerk, his base really starts to dwindle.   That's right, MAGA Heads are haters.  This is one the ironies of life:  he wants to shut up the voices that criticize him and that call him out for being a racist, while at the same time encouraging the voices that sing of anger and bias and white supremacy.  He loves him his racist people.
So, I have 2 more days until I have a day off.  And then, all I get is one day off.  Then it's 4 more days of work until my next weekend, which happens to be on Sunday and Monday.
Oh, and today is Cinco de Mayo.  They're bringing in lots of nachos for lunch.  I'm taking chicken.  Not that I'm going to not chow down on some nachos.  A lot of people classify them as a 'Mexican' food, but they're really more of a snack than a food.  Personally, I'll take a good burrito over nachos any day of the week. Tacos are good too, not the ones that are wrapped, the ones in the shell, all crunchy and delicious.
I can eat well this afternoon without concern of calories because I did 35 minutes of cardio this morning.


This is good eats.

Saturday, May 4, 2019

A slut for Vlad

It's Saturday and I am definitely not in a park and it is definitely not the 4th of July.  Nope.  It's drizzling outside and going to be like this for the rest of the day.  Tonight... storms.  All the rain that's drenching the central states is moving east.  So far May has been off to a wet start.
I saw where Oprah was talking about Mayor Pete and either tried to be funny... or something worse.  She said she had problems saying Buttigieg and so called him either Buttabeep or Buttaboop.  I wonder what she'd say if people did the same with her name, you know?  I mean, is this her way of being humorously judgmental?
Anyway, sometime this evening I will hit my hump moment.  From then it's a downhill slide until Tuesday.  Unfortunately, that is the only day off I have in what is an 8 day stretch.  Not that we're busy.  Things are always slow in flooring at this time of the year.  It's garden time!  and lawn time!  These are the months when people think about building decks, or putting in patios.  If they have kids, this is not prime carpet month... not with summer around the corner, when little feet will be running in and out, and in and out.
And, of course, the Idiot Jerk in the White House and his bromo / homo love interest Vlad gushed to each other during an hour long phone conversation.  The Idiot Jerk cackled and giggled about 'no collusion.'  What the Idiot Jerk didn't know was that while he was flirting his ass off, Vlad was approving plans for Russian involvement in the 2020 election.  Vlad is more concerned with knocking America out of the number one spot in super powers.  He wants Russia to be the most powerful country in the world.  Of course, the Idiot Jerk will give him what he wants, he doesn't care if the world thinks he's a slut for Vlad.
Oh, dear me, it's almost time to go to work.  I have a decent little carpet sale going through today:  single older couple, no kids.
Since, today is May the 4th I might as well do say what everybody else is saying:


Friday, May 3, 2019

The Snit List

Friday, and for many the work week is ending... mine is just beginning... at least for the next 4 days.  As you might guess, I'm not ecstatic.
Yesterday was foggy in the morning but turned nice and sunny as the day wore on.  I mowed my lawn, did some weeding, painted my little kitchen table... well, everything except the feet.  I need to turn it upside down to do that and I want to make sure the paint cures before I do that.
Today's a non-cardio day.  I've done 4 in a row, so today's going to be easy.  I'll start up again tomorrow morning.  Maybe this evening I'll set up a new playlist.  I did check out those Amazon offers for free... I'm sorry, I don't listen to Ariana Grande.  I am not a pop music person.  I don't have it playing as background music when I'm cleaning, or doing dishes.  Background music is either classical or rock... and sometimes jazz.  For years I've been a big David Sanborn fan, especially for background music.
And, of course, Democrats in the House ate chicken yesterday to celebrate Billy Barr's refusal to show up.  I had to laugh.  I'm sure that must have galled the Idiot Jerk in the White House to no end.  Calling one of his henchies a coward is tantamount to call him one, but then the Idiot Jerk has always been rather gutless, relying on legal teams for exacting revenge.  His is the credo every MAGA head stands by:  "I'm going to make you pay."  His trouble is that America is fed up with him.  More and more are starting to say "just shut up."  He hates that.  I mean, he really does hate that.
At least one, maybe two more Democrats announced they were running for the presidency yesterday.  I do wish they would stop.  They are creating a diversion.  This wouldn't be happening if the Idiot Jerk weren't such a walking, talking shitfest.  Sure, it will look good on their resumes, but the GOP is counting on them going for each other's throats.  We do not want that to happen.  If they start attacking those much higher in the polls in order to achieve some level of name recognition they will, quite possibly, do damage.  This must not happen.
Finally, I understand the Idiot Jerk spends a lot of his time trying to think up snitty little names for people he doesn't like.  I'm not just talking about politicians here.  Everybody is fair game if he doesn't like you, or if you disagree with him, or if you speak out against him.  Isn't that funny?  The Idiot Jerk in the White House has a snit list.

Thursday, May 2, 2019

Truth instead of Lies

Thursday morning.  I get to go back to work tomorrow.  I am not excited at all.  Work is... work.  It's not that I don't like to work.  I enjoy working out.  Poring over an unpublished manuscript and doing subtle changes is fun (believe it or not).  Explaining to a customer that cheap ass laminate flooring should not go in a bathroom because it's not waterproof isn't fun.  Seeing stunned looks of disbelief when you describe what happens to laminate flooring when it gets wet is... ... well, if you saw any of Billy Barr's Q & A yesterday you know the looks I'm talking about.  I do believe Billy that that with all the Republicans in the room he was going to be safe.  Holy Shit.  Watch just five minutes of it and count the number of times he touches his face.  You see, liars begin to finger their chin, rub their cheek, and scratch their ear because deceit pushes their brains into overload.  They have to remember every lie they tell... otherwise they'll be caught.  They use their fingers in an attempt to create a web of lies... and fail.  At one point he actually like he might start to cry.  Does he think everybody is as gullible as the MAGA heads?  Bill was all handsy yesterday, but then that's normal for liars.  Except for the Idiot Jerk in the White House.  He rarely touches his face because almost every word out of his mouth is a lie.  I suspect that for him it's the truth which is most unsettling.
Billy will not be having a Q & A with the House.  He'd have to wear his 'big boy' Depends for that and he knows he'd fill those suckers up in no time flat.
I made some more pasta yesterday.  This time I dried it on a pasta tree.


And poor Seig didn't get any of it.  I had some for dinner last night.  It is delicious.  From start to finish it took... oh, about 40 minutes.  And I made it.  It wasn't mass produced in a factory. Hhhhmmm, so goooooood. 

Wednesday, May 1, 2019

Bernie's Favorite

Went to see the Avengers last night, got home after 10 PM, and so I slept in - I'm off today.  I thought it was very good... but it wasn't great.  Every Avenger gets to have a shining, dramatic moment - that's not a spoiler by the way.  If you are a fan of every one of them, this is great.  If you're not... well...  I'm not a big Jeremy Renner fan, so his shining moment was not too glittery for me, nor am I a big Robert Downey Jr fan, but his scenes with Richard Slattery were a nice surprise.  One of the things I disliked the most was that anyone who was ever in any Marvel Studio superhero movie shows up for a few onscreen minutes.  This is why the film is 3 hours and 2 minutes long.  Now, I will admit that except for the not too shiny dramatic moments, it did not seem like 3 hours.  After the climatic battle scene, and there's always a climatic battle scene, they could have wrapped things up quicker since a few of those not too shimmering dramatic moments happened then.  If you're interested in going to see it, do so on the 'big screen' since it is spectacular... most of the time.
I guess Billy Barr is supposed to testify before some House committee today.  Mueller was evidently not too pleased with Billy's summary of the two year investigation into the Idiot Jerks treasonous activities.  Gee, didn't he know Billy was put into place to squelch the truth?  The funny thing is that Billy is skating along on thin ice... and I suspect he knows this.  When the Idiot Jerk goes down, people are going to be examining Billy's unethical decisions and asking 'yo, was Billy colluding with the treasonous Idiot Jerk?'
And more polls are coming out about the presidential race that's starting a year and a half early and Biden has a double digit lead over... Bernie.  And Bernie must think someone's running a Cuisipro grater up and down his ass just for the zest of it. 

Bernie's favorite