I've also been told I have little tact, so if this offends you simply ride on.

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Weighing In

So, you’ve got yourself a digital scale and tossed the old analog monster into the trash.   Now you need to pick a day and time to climb on board and check out the damage.  Why do I say damage?  Because most people are fat, whether they want to admit it or not.  Why day and time, because, you are only going to weigh yourself once a week.  Your weight fluctuates, so weighing yourself more often is not going to give you an accurate picture of how you are doing in your weight loss regime.  I can only think of three kinds of people who get on a scale more often:  anorexics, bulimics and assholes.  So, unless you’re one of these, stick to the once a week weigh-in.  Write down your weight and compare it to this chart.  Notice there is no chubby category, nor is there a pleasantly plump.  More people need to take a look at this chart.  Too many drown in the quicksand of political correctness, they would rather be called weight challenged than deal with the fact that their fat.  Most people crap a brick when they see what they should actually weigh.  Then they throw their hands up in despair whining “I’m never going to be able to lose that much!”  Personally, I think that’s all horse shit.  

Surprise!  The average guy on the street who is 5' 10" tall should weigh between 145 and 175 pounds, over 175 and your heading into Porky Pig territory.  

Thursday, September 29, 2011

US Postal Service - On its way to extinction

For those of you who didn't know, there was a national protest yesterday by the United States postal workers.  What were they protesting?  The eventual closure of post office facilities and the elimination of jobs, and notice I say eventual.  The US Postal Service is a dinosaur beginning to go through its death throes.  The times when Americans relied heavily on the mail service are gone.  What do most carriers deliver now?  Bills and junk mail, and even those too are dwindling as I type.  Everything is going electronic from magazines to bank statements, more and more people are opting for paperless billing; the need to actually hold a bill in your hand is something only the older generation feels.

The problem is they don't want to take the painful steps needed to keep the Postal Service alive.  They get paid very well, the starting rate for a carrier is between $12 and $14 per hour with unbelievable benefits and just to deliver junk mail and bills.  More and more you're hearing whispers of a government bailout of their benefit / retirement package, around $4 billion.  Remember how upset people were when the government bailed out the Auto Industry?  Imagine how American citizens will feel if their tax dollars go to bail out the Postal Service?  Of course, the postal workers don't even consider this, all they want to do is hold onto their juicy plum.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Tipping the Scales

The only way to know exactly how much weight you’ll need need to drop is by putting your ass on scale.  When looking down, if your gut is blocking the readout, consider yourself FAT.  The fatter you are the more difficult your weight loss regime is going to be.  Every time you cut calories those ugly fat cells are going to shriek with starvation.  That really is what you’re going to be doing, starving the hell out of your fat cells.
What do I climb on once a week:  A Tanita Ironman Body Scan.  Am I an Ironman?  Hell no.  However this scale does give you the option of using a sedentary or athletic algorithm. This is an important feature if you’re someone who works out regularly and maintains a cardio regime because, simply put, you’re not a sedentary individual, meaning you’re not dropping your ass in the sweet spot of your La-Z-Boy the second you get home from work.  You can even see how much you weigh in kilograms, which can be a fun trick to play on friends. 

The Ironman gives me a lot of good information, including weight, body fat %, and hydration and muscle mass.  The weight is accurate; the other three are “close, but no cigar.”  It also gives me my metabolic age, my bone mass, and the level of my visceral fat.  These readings are questionable at best. 
Tanita lets you print off a nice form for documenting your stats with cute little charts at the bottom so you can evaluate your results. I use a spreadsheet I wrote which lets me track what I consider pertinent information.
If you’re using an analog scale I recommend throwing the damn thing out of the window.  In case you didn’t know it, analog scales let your cheat.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Legs, the engines of the body.

Legs are the engines of your body, so I’ve been told by Shaun S. a former Wellness Coach. He’s right.  Your legs contain the largest muscle groups of your body and as such burn more calories then other muscle groups and put the ‘C’ in Cardio.  They are also the biggest pain in the ass to work out, which is why so many people ignore them.   You know who I’m talking about, those guys with a 48” chest, 22” guns and abs that run for miles sporting themselves around on a pair of flamingo legs. Your legs do let you know you’ve been ‘working’ your quads after a really good set of dumbbell squats and lunges, and of course later there will be the pain and suffering during your recovery period.  Stairs can be horrendous.  How bad can it get?  I have a friend who always gets quite religious after a leg workout, I know because he always seems to be muttering “oh, Jesus” under his breath.  The only thing that helps is the knowledge that once you get into a routine recovery speeds up a lot.  Instead of suffering through agony you merely pass through discomfort.
For the faint of heart there are alternatives to lunging and squatting, I know, I rarely do either.  This is one method.  I can pop either as little or as much weight I want on this baby.  Three times a week and you’re set.

And this is another way.  I can ride for miles and miles on a pair of these.

As for running?  I don't.  I've met too many people who ran in their twenties and thirties who now, heading into their sixties and seventies, find out they're going to need to replace knees and hips.  

Oh, by the way, the legs at the top?  They're not mine.  Mine are in much better shape.