Bluntness

I've also been told I have little tact, so if this offends you simply ride on.

Saturday, May 11, 2019

From Jack Fruit to Omens

Starting tomorrow I'm scheduled to have some time off and the weather forecast is shitty.  Cool, mid-50's (F), cloudy, in fact Sunday and Monday they're calling for... rain.  Grass grows even in shitty weather.  This is the third year in a row in which April showers arrived a month late, that's called a trend.
Yesterday was Fruit Friday at work.  On the 2nd Friday of every month they bring in fresh fruit for the associates, the standard strawberries, plums, apples, bananas, pears, and blueberries.  They always include one exotic to give us a fresh taste from the world outside the United States.  Yesterday we had Jack Fruit.  It was delicious. 


For those who don't know, exotics fruits are a very good way to identify closet conservatives, those people who quietly wear their MAGA hats in the privacy of their own homes.  You see conservatives will never try anything new.  They will always opt for the apple or the strawberry.  Now and then a slice of banana may cross their lips, but only after being camouflaged in a bowl of cereal.
Okay, and for your haha moment of the day, though I'm sure most of you have already seen this, the Idiot Jerk's blow bro pal Vlad did a nose dive.



And he did it in front of the world!  I'm positive this elicited a high volume shriek from the Idiot Jerk.  "Oh, Vlad! Noooo!"  As for me, I'm wondering if Vlad truly understands what happened.  He didn't just trip over a red carpet.  Nope, he was sent an Omen.  He is going to go down, and the whole world is going to be watching.  For those who don't know, this is called Karma.  The Idiot Jerk's Karma hell will continue for the rest of his life.  He doesn't understand, but his spawn will pay for generations to come.

15 comments:

  1. Ha, I'm just in the process of writing a post about Vlad the Impaler's fall!!! And jack fruit - I've been hearing a lot about them lately. Apparently, if you are vegetarian, they make a very good fake hamburger or pulled pork substitute - same consistency as meat. I picked some up from the Asian market on Thursday but haven't tried them yet. Like minds huh!

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    1. I'm sure some Russian heads will roll.

      The Jack fruit was sweet and tasty. It does look a lot like pulled pork when you're taking it apart. It's a source of natural latex - lets you put a little bounce in your step.

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  2. Fruit Fridays!?!?!? Thank goodness you explained. I thought it meant us gays of the community got a special discount at the home improvement center

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    1. Sorry to disappoint, and I know how much you were looking forward to the Tooltime Drag Hour.

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  3. bwhahahahahahahahaha! vlad is a stoopid ass, just like the dump!

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  4. Speaking of fruit, I can't remember who said this (either Bill Maher or Stephen Colbert) but I love it: "Mike Pence is so homophobic he eats bananas sideways!"

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  5. Love the idea that he "scored"eight goals when it's clear he was ALLOWED to score them. And his victory fall; is that an omen of things to come?

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    1. That wasn't just a fall, it was a nosedive deep in to carpetland.

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  6. It's so weird how Bob and I are so often on the same wavelength! I thought the same thing.
    That jack fruit looks an awful lot like a sliced mutant banana. I've never heard of it, but I'd taste it if placed before me. I'm always up for new taste adventures in fruit.

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    1. Vlad's always been a phony.

      And the Jack fruit was delicious. I will have to buy one (they're very big).

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  7. Vlad’s ego is as fragile as Cheeto’s. And so is his image. The huge difference? Vlad is a criminal. He was KGB, trained to kill.
    Jack fruit is apparently delish. I have friend who swear by it’s vitamin-packed power..

    XoXo

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    1. And Vlad knows people are laughing at him... really loudly.

      Evidently when cooked, the Jack Fruit tastes a lot like pork.

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    2. Dave, why would anyone want a meat flavored fruit? That's so wrong! I know turkey tries to pass itself off as bacon (the bastard) but that's at least in the same food group!

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