When I was 9 years old my Mom had electroshock therapy. Her temper was most often taken out on me. My childhood was not good.
She became very self centered and demanding as she grew older. My Dad and I would go to movies and she would call and criticize the film. She had no problem criticizing you, or trying to make you feel guilty. She was very good at that.
I went by myself to the Funeral Directors this afternoon. My sister doesn't deal with well with these things. My brother was on his way back from vacation in North Carolina. For the reading inside the program I chose a poem I love.
Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening
BY ROBERT FROST
Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.
My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.
He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound’s the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.
The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.
My brother did not think it was religious enough. "She was a very devout Christian," he said. My reply "I've had a really shitty day and I was there by myself and I picked what I liked."
My Mom died yesterday and I had to cry. My sister cried, too. My brother also cried... and complained because I chose a verse that wasn't Christian. You know it would have been nice if she had at least once looked me in the eye and said "I'm sorry for being so abusive." Never happened. Instead she found Jesus who forgave her sins without her ever needing to ask forgiveness from those she'd hurt the most.
Oh I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm so sorry for what might have been, or what should have been. Long-time reader, first time commenter her. My condolences. Anna (in France)ReplyDelete
Thank you. We all go through this experience and friendly voices are all greatly appreciated.Delete
my condolences on your loss, dave. blood relatives can be a bitch, and shitty childhoods are everywhere (ask me how I know this).ReplyDelete
Thanks! Always remember that shitty childhood helped made you the wonderful person you are today!Delete
So sorry for your loss.No matter the relationship, it;s always hard when it ends.ReplyDelete
Her dementia was accelerating and she would tell me every time I visited that she couldn't remember her parents, or her brother and sister. So, this is a good thing.Delete
I think the poem is wonderful. I was surprised when my mother chose a secular reading for my father's funeral. It brought us all comfort, and that is the point.ReplyDelete
I'm sorry that for your loss, but I hope that a burden has been lifted and you can grieve in your own time.
Thank you for your kind words. The poem provides solace. We all have 'miles to go before we sleep.'Delete
My condolences to you Dave. It can be hard to mourn a parent. I still have my mother...feisty as hell. My dad and I were as close as could be I guess. I never did mourn his death. More like drop the coffin in the ground and ya'll come back to the house for a whiskey.ReplyDelete
That is one of the most healthiest statements about death I've ever read. Mourn if you must, but move on.Delete
Hugs. My mother died 25 years ago at the ripe old age of 54. I still haven't shed a tear. She thought she was June Cleaver, when, in reality, she was one step above Sybil's mother.ReplyDelete
I am sorry for your loss and everything that comes with it.
Hugs right back at you, sir! The June Cleaver thing is a serious problem with most mothers, if only they understood the meaning of June's last name.Delete
I'm so sorry for your loss, Dave. I think the poem is lovely and I'm glad you picked something you like. It doesn't matter to her whether it's a Christian reading or not, now does it? Funerals are for the living.ReplyDelete
Take care of yourself, my friend. Hugs.
Thanks for the hugs. You are so right, she's doesn't know, Funerals are for the living.Delete
Oh Dave, I am so sorry to hear this. She may not have been the perfect mother, but she was the only one you had and of course you will miss her.ReplyDelete
My deepest sympathy and hugs to you.
Thanks, Rozzie. She will be missed. We will all think back on humorous moments. Time usually erases unpleasantness.Delete
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I didn't see this post until today, Monday. So very sorry for your loss. There will be tears, but a sense of relief too. Both are normal reactions. Take care. <3
Thank you so much. I'm fine. The issue right now is getting the death certificates... will talk about that tomorrow.Delete
Your blog is very nice,Thanks for sharing good blog.ReplyDelete