I've also been told I have little tact, so if this offends you simply ride on.

Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Under Armor Nightmare

Working in retail I see a lot of people and, as a result, get to see what apparel is trendy among specific groups.  Camo, for example, used to be worn by all types: rich and poor, college graduate and high school dropout.  Its fashion days have peaked, however, and the people who are wearing it now are doing so not because it's cool but because they have reached the creative limits in the wardrobe department.  The trendy name brand which seems to have taken it's place, at least in this area of the country, is Under Armor.  I see their little logo everywhere: shirts, T-shirts, hats, coats, jackets, shorts... You name it, if it can legally be worn as outer apparel, there's a good likelihood you will see an Under Armor monogram.  There's only one little problem.  Well, it's not that little.  You see there are a lot of people out there who don't seem to comprehend Under Armor is athletic apparel.  If you go to the gym three, or four, or maybe five times a week and actually work out when you're there, a good possibility exists where you can wear this clothing and look damn good.  If you avoid physical exercise like it was the plague, you should also avoid these shirts, and shorts, and shoes and caps because they will make you look foolish.  You are not an athlete.  An Under Armor T is not going to make you look slim.  If you're 40 years old and have man boobs, one of these shirts is not going to make them disappear, they are made to enhance, not conceal.

Under Armor is not going to make you look like this

if you look like this

Yet every day I see 5 to 10 people coming into my department wearing clothing which bears that ubiquitous Under Armor logo.  These flaboids haven't been to a gym since high school.  Seriously, what am I supposed to do when I see a guy's belly creeping out from under the waistline of his Under Armor T-shirt?  I don't think the thought even crosses their minds that they look like porkos in spandex.  They think because it's popular and everybody else is wearing it, they might as well, too, even if their BMI tops 35.  And, unfortunately, being in retail, I need to deal with these people.  I need to keep a civil tongue in my head, be polite, pleasant, and courteous.  I need to provide good customer service.  There is no way in hell I could point at them and shriek "Under Armor Nightmare!"

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